Sitting at my computer dans le Var, putting together the magic recipe for how to NEVER work in Corporate ever again….NOT because it was not fulfilling in my twenties, and not because I am not grateful for the protection it gave me while on leave battling Leukemia, or the 401k, and amazing insurance, incredible friendships as a result but because I associate so much of the Corporate life with my past life which unfortunately also correlates with Leukemia.
Yesterday I had a call about a potential job and when he asked me about my CV (resume) and why it was only Jan 2018-Feb 2018 for my first Merchandising role, I had to hold back tears. The thought of telling a total stranger that I had Leukemia, then a stem-cell transplant, followed by some other hard to imagine hiccups was more difficult than I imagined. However, it was not surprising to me, as I had the same reaction when I had to recount my FULL AML histoire avec medecin Francaise just back in July. AML will always be part of my histoire, but the histoire that shaped the rest of my life as a healthier, happier, holistically human being. It was the part of my life that led me to fall in love with my future husband, and the part of my life that changed my career path and and go-getter goals for the long-term.
Alors…..It is hard to believe it is already the end of September and another month, another pris de sang is on the horizon. I know everything is good, I feel great, minus the mundane menopause that is currently wreaking havoc from time to time due to the fertility doctor stripping me of my hormones with the hope in December she will be able to harvest some eggs, to eventually freeze embryos, so I can have a child with both mine and JM’s super special DNA. I really cannot complain because this is selfishly what I want down the road, so the 3 months of hormonal starvation will have to suffice. Even if it means elevated liver functions, sleepless nights and serious mood swings.#thehormonalstruggleisreal
On another note, and what prompted me to put together a blog post is I was supposed to be situated in the South of France the past 3 days to focus on my future as a writer, but of course, other things got in the way. 1. Being even more lucrative than this potential book/blog for this moment in time: My new business platform….the one that is going to keep me from clinging to a Corporate career for the next 30+ years, the one that will free me from having to return to the chaos of a Corporation. (it is not all bad, but I want something better for ME) and let’s be frank working at UA was a dream compared to my past in NYC.
I will not lie the past few days have been difficult as they always are leading up to the blood draw, but I know it is just hormones and FEAR creeping in, because let’s be real that’s what they love to do. Anxiety and illusions of awful things are some of their favorite tricks. To be honest, all I want to do is the write the book about the before, the during and now the after of Cancer, but the hormones and the heaviness sometimes of my emotions keeps getting in the way. Alas, not allowing me to get my thoughts together on my future Non-Fiction Narrative.
I promise to you my followers, when I do finally sit down, (and soon) to really concentrer on the task at hand it will not only be a BEST SELLER, but it will be the greatest work I have ever done. It will be authentic, at times intense and of course emotional, but it will be the truth. The truth about how even the bon vivants of the world sometimes have to fight cancer, maybe to come to grips with who they are supposed to be, and candidly that maybe not living an authentic life can lead to Leukemia. Root Chakra Chapter en route. I believe with all my bones (and new bone marrow from the best TWIN brother ever) that being diagnosed forever changed my life, even if I had to relapseafter a blissful remission to meet my beau pour la vie before receiving a bone marrow transplant to be FINALLY re-reminded that la vie est belle, vraiment new immune systems are the SHIT and authenticity is the only way to move forward and remain cancer free forever.
I would be lying if I said that even in the difficult times daily, I do not love my life. I really do, and I love that I am healthy, happy and realizing mes reves…even if it’s not happening immediately.
The best is yet to come and for me that looks like a published version of my most profound personal work, my twin brother’s bone marrow continuing to keep me cancer free, and marrying JeanMi FINALLY a France in 2020.
As for my book and blog, I can only pray and ask the universe for such success for my words, but really to be able to touch the lives of so many who have lived through cancer personally or with someone close to them is the platform for why I want to write this book. Courage is what got me through Cancer and inspiring others now is what will continue to carry me into the future.
Merci mes amies.
The one and Allie