A dedication and a new decade!

Bonne Année Everyone!

I hope everyone rang in the New Year to a new tune and is ready to take on this next Decade. Unfortunately, I found out just a few days after the new Decade rolled around that a close family friend from our football days in Chicago passed from complications of Leukemia. He was a survivor, a fighter, a Father, a friend, a husband, and most recently a Grandpa and this year is dedicated to Dave! It has probably been 20 years since i have seen this person, or maybe even more, but survivor connection is something really special and I want to honor him as I move into my 4th year of survivorship, and 2nd year of COMPLETE REMISSION.

January unfortunately always brings up a lot of emotions, as candidly it was January 24th, 2018, just one day before my now Fiance’s birthday and 2 days before my bestie in Baltimore’s birthday, as well, that I got the diagnosis that my minimal residual disease had been overturned and it was officially relapsed stage leukemia. This was probably one of the most difficult moments of my life, deciding how I would tell my employer, how I would tell the man I was falling in love with who was living in France, how I would tell my friends, who were coming to visit that weekend for early bday celebrations and most of all how was I going to tell my Grandfather, without him having a complete meltdown, thus making me even more scared than I already was. I took 5 days to pull myself together, get the official biopsy results, phone a friend (from Felix) who was a BMT doctor in NYC to get his opinion on where to do the transplant, and start packing up my apartment on S. Wolfe street so I could officially fly the coop to Florida to rest, recover from the most recent news, regroup with my Family, reconnect with my twin brother and recharge for the war that awaited me.

The good news is this January, I am feeling less anxious, more settled and as always moving forward. I had a wonderful visit from one of my besties from the big Apple, who happens to be my friend from high school as well and we had the most magnificent 3 days together in Ole Paris. Inclusive of a missed Mass at Saint Chapelle, that led to visiting my favorite organic wine bar L’Avant Comptoir, and a late night chat i was in desperate need of. Partnered with an HCP inspired dance party at my humble abode, where my fantastic Fiance allowed us to play an array of songs from Robyn to Celine Dion to my newly discovered Normani. ha! Jeanmi is truly le DJ du ma vie, and as a result him allowing this barrage of present and past POP artists in his living room late at night on a Monday just shows how much he really loves me and wants me to be happy. 🙂

After ringing in the New Year, I fought a cold for a few days. With weather changing daily from 30-50 degrees, and allergies running rampant in my 100+ year old apartment building, it was no shock the cold got me. I nursed myself back to life for a solid 3 days, as I had almost forgotten how great the over the counter cold medicines are in France versus the US, (don’t worry I cleared with my oncologist first) and was once again thankful for the POWERFUL immune system that was gifted to me 20 months ago, as it continues to keep me healthy, happy and living authentically. #LURPEDOUTPOURLAVIE

As I reflect on the past decade, like many people have on social media and other forms of communication as of late, I remember what a decade of growth it truly was. In 2010, I was just settling into my life in NYC, and candidly a BIG break-up was on the horizon with my then philandering fellow. I remember our relationship had not been good for a while, and it was only a matter of time before we could no longer pretend that it was fixable. In 2011 I got my wings and moved into my own apartment on the Upper East Side, met my first French friend, Bruno, who has become like the long lost uncle that I never met due to a devastating accidental drowning back in 1966. I joined the Jones Jeanswear Group, where I met so many amazing friends, co-workers and clients alike. I dabbled in living on the Lower East side for 6 months, but realized I was not hip or cool enough to continue that charade, so I hightailed it back uptown to W. 63rd street where I made my home for almost 5 years. I fell in love with Central park strolling, got back to exercising religiously between runs with my friend Faith, and/or Soul Cycle when I could afford it. I dated like it was going out of style, fell in love, had my heartbroken by someone who got me to finally start learning French. I ran a Marathon in Argentina, because what else do you do when you heart is broken and you need a healthy outlet to detox from the devastating aftermath and also save yourself from yourself. I spent 50% of my Sundays at Felix drinking rose and dancing the Sunday scaries away. 1 year later, I moved to France the first time, fell in love with Paris all over again, unfortunately allowed an American bad boyfriend to bring me back stateside to clean up a shitstorm he created in my palatial apartment on 63rd st. In May of 2016, I moved to the Murder capital of the US, Baltimore, MD, where I was employed by the greatest Sport company of All time, and just shortly after I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I fought leukemia for most of 2016 and in 2017 got my groove back and headed back to Paris, where I met the love of my life in a night bar that my friend Brandy brought me to. In 2018, I was told to finally move forward and be cancer free forever, I needed a stem cell transplant. My Mother phoned my at the time estranged frere jumeau and told him “cancer doesn’t wait, there’s a ticket at the Southwest Counter at the San Diego Airport, and a 6 am flight you need to get on.” My brother came to my rescue, not only saved me with his stem-cells, but nursed me back to health during 90 days of isolation, read everything he possibly could about the chemo drugs I was given, the side effects, etc. Snuck in portillos (if you are from Chicago you know what this means) to the Stem Cell ward religiously so I could eat something other than the so called “safe” food they serve to cancer survivors. I went back to work in 2019, got news that I was 100% donor cells, moved back to France to be with my Forever Love, quit my cushy job, started a consulting platform for small brands that need help with my expertise of services, started speaking French semi-fluently at dinner parties, fought off massive PTSD during an 18 month major restaging. Got the call from my Doctor after trying on wedding gowns with my bestie in Charleston, that I was good to go and to stop letting the fear of leukemia stand int he way of my future. Spent my first Christmas in Eastern France with my Fiance’s family, felt super loved but also missed my family traditions. Rang in the new year with my gratitude then I can put into words, and closed the cancer chapter and left it in the last decade. When I sum it up, the last decade was pretty good to me even if I took too many detours to count, I got my best friend for life back (my twin brother) and found the love of my life in exactly the place i intended to. xx theoneandallie

With that, as I look toward the future, of this new decade that is upon us all, I know it will allow me to move further away from the struggles of years past, but of course I remain incredibly grateful for the journey that once was, as it has brought me to where I am today. (even if it bruised a few major organs a long the way)

The good news is, February is in the near future, and I will be turning 34 in France, and feeling more love than I ever imagined from both near and far. Thanks to my family, Fiance and all of my incredibly friends, and YOU my followers.

I am really lucky. Last year was about growth and gratitude. This year is about health and happiness.

xx

This is the one and allie.

Writer’s Block, pressing on with my professional & personal projects, my first French Survivor Friend and GVHD of the V……

Hello fearless followers,

It has been a beautiful last few weeks filled with lots of interesting insights post BMT. The good news is I am still healthy, cancer free, and moving forward. However, I am struggling with some personal issues, as well as a bit of GVHD.

I have had a bit of writer’s block and I think it has to do with my French language progression, as I have been interviewing, as well as having full dinners a Francais, and that sometimes makes it difficult to dig deep into my English emotions and put pen to paper. It will come, I just need to give it time and continue to focus on French, and finding a balance between both languages. Life could be worse. 🙂

As for what I have been doing professionally, I have a few consulting projects keeping me busy for le moment, however, I am determined still to find the right opportunity whether it be consulting long-term or on a permanent basis to again give me a better balance between home and professional life. As I told my American Doctor who visited this past weekend, I am happy my professional life is picking up here in Paris, because I am by no means able to be at home 24/7. I need socialization, coffee clutch at work, as well as connectivity to the world around me. However, I have been spending a lot of time at home, as this is where I keep my office currently, but as business picks up I will be looking for a shared space where I can go to everyday to give myself a sense of motivation to leave the house for something other than a medical appointment, Yoga or a Spin class. However, I am happy to say I am filling my spare time as of late while working on a passion project with my Stem-Cell transplant sister in fighting Leukemia crime, Jess. Jess just rounded out 8 years post transplant and could not be thriving anymore than she already is. We are building a platform together, a podcast actually, with content for Cancer Survivors. No matter what stage they are in the Survivorship game, we want to be able to provide them support, some laughs and also some key insights that we both gained throughout our diagnosis, relapse, and recovery processes. Stay tuned for more on this, as it is in the infancy stages but we are making progress weekly!

En fin, I made a friend this past week waiting for the BMT gynecologist. She is about 4 months behind me from transplant and doing fabulous. Lovely, and I hope I see her again. I had such a camaraderie in the clinic at Moffitt, it is nice to have a Survivor friend over here. Next time we will exchange numbers, as we have the same Doctor, which means most likely we will be in the Clinic for our routine appointments together. On another note, for those of you who have followed the blog for quite some time, you know the mention of GVHD has come up not consistently but quite often over the past 19 months since transplant. It is a complication of transplant that can be dangerous as well as helpful when it comes to the Graft vs Leukemia affect. Alors, I finally had my rendez-vous with the Gynecologist specific to allo-genic stem-cell patients and she discovered something I had not considered, while waiting to finally meet with someone in this arena who specializes in all-transplanted patients back in America. It was a tough to take at first, as when someone is speaking to you in another language it sometimes takes time for my mind to catch-up to what she is actually telling me, but also because she was saying, I have GVHD of the Vaginal region. J’ai de la chance, the truth is anything is better than cancer, but the idea of getting back on multiple topical medications as well as one oral, had me feeling a little down last Friday. The good news is GVHD means that your leukemia is in fact not coming back, as the Graft vs Leukemic affect is incredible for this quite candidly, but it is something I will have to manage for quite some time to be able to 1. have a baby naturally (no C section) and 2. feel feminine again. It is all worth it, and my adorable Doctor could not have been kinder, as she was not only schooled in areas down below, but she understood skin after transplant, recommended certain products, told me to stay away from others and scheduled a mammogram, as this is necessary before starting any fertility treatments, as they can put you at risk for breast cancer. I could not be more impressed as well as thankful for the level of care i receive at Hospital Saint Louis, as Moffitt was absolutely amazing during treatment as well as in the early days post, and the relationship I have with my Doctor there was certainly written in the stars, but I have been really searching for someone like this Doctor to guide me on other matters outside of just being CURED, and to be more precise, the tissues that have been affected by the life saving stem cells of my twin brother.

I am so lucky everyday when I wake up to be realizing my dreams here in the city of Light, even if that means it takes time, and a lot of perseverance and patience (two things I learned a lot about during treatment). It reminds me daily how cancer prepared me for the 2nd chapter of my life, cancer free forever, and forging ahead towards a new normal of greatness. (a greve included here in Paris) With that, I trust the universe is guiding my plan and not only wants me to witness my full potential personally but professionally as a Parisian as well. Not much else to say besides Joyeux Noel et la vie est belle.

Thank you for continuing to follow my journey to theoneandallie.

Bisous bisous from me to all of you!

Allie

A November to Remember

What a November it’s been. Happy to say post BMT life continues to be beautiful even if I am feeling a bit lost professionally pour Le moment and searching for the next challenge to take on for 2020. Other than that, I can say I am truly blessed beyond words.

November started out with a bang, as my twin brother’s nuptials were nothing short of sweet and soul-filling while I saw family and friends. Followed by tearing up the dance floor, which quickly forced a mid evening outfit change due to the menopausal sweats that did not mix well with the 90 degree temperatures and full on humidity. Ha! Fiancé stayed behind in France and it was the only thing missing from the much anticipated event as someone had to keep our boat afloat a Paris!

Alors, as far as my health, I could not be happier with how I am feeling holistically, minus the maintained and at times manic menopause! But really hormones are hell. However, I even got a “keep up the good work on your weight bearing exercises,” from my nurse as my Dexa was better than previous! I have started running again as a result and I continue to do yoga and walk religiously around Paris as it’s really the only way to keep my mind at times from the hormonal madness!

On a personal and outside of the health sphere note, as I continue to master le Français, I had many different meetings in French over the past few weeks. This included interviews, French bureaucratic box checking as well as many dinner parties where I mainly spoke French toute la soirée! It has been good for me to continue working on language as I really abandoned my French after 3 years back in the US plus a bone marrow transplant to boot, 😉 I can honestly say now, I am really focused on it. For real! Even though Jeanmi and I really only speak English a la Maison, I am starting to speak in groups super comfortably again, as well as focus on seeing French speaking friends and always speak with my Mother in Law in le langue français. It’s been my dream to finally make this transition totally and not always lean on my English, I can always call my American allies and family members for easy conversation. So for now, I can honestly say I am happy with my progress and I am even starting to think in French. 😍

During my mandated bureaucratic French Fun I realized once again how lucky I am. To not only be alive, but to be able to realize my dreams, here in France, post cancer not as a refugee but as a family member of someone French! My Fiancé that is. ❤️ Yesterday in my mandated class we discussed many topics inclusive of Medical insurance, Lodging, and other benefits you have as someone living in France and I was humbled and incredibly grateful that I could provide some help to some of the people just arriving for their first time (as this is a civic duty to continue living in France permanently) I also was given a whole new perspective on life once again when I heard others challenges and stories of escaping their home countries due to hardship. Hearing the word Refugee made me tear up a tad as it’s unbelievable to me to think about not having my freedom, my voice and my feminist outlook on life. As I only left the US to follow my heart and I feel I am so incredibly fortunate for that alone. Truth be told I am by no means a Trump fan as frankly he doesn’t appreciate la femme libre but when I heard about what’s happening in other countries I realize Trump is who he is, but as Americans he cannot take away my basic rights, and for that alone I am blessed to be Amercain by birth and forever french by heart!

What a wonderful and humbling experience it was even if it was in a less than preferred place to be on a sun shining Monday morning. (Which is quite rare a Paris after October)

Not much else to conclude on today’s blog other than I am still taking on consulting projects as I see fit but also keeping my eyes open for something more permanent, should the opportunity and perfect position present itself! Structure is something I never realized I really thrive in after being out of an office for so long and I think it’s time to finally infiltrate FULLY into France inclusive of an incredible opportunity where I’m speaking French and making new friends (colleagues) as I continue to work towards my official French citizenship! #countdownison But first, carte de séjour!

I really believe good things come to those who follow their heart, live authentically and are kind, so while I focus on French I will make sure I keep those three things top of mind as we turn the corner to 2020!

Bisous tout la monde! Merci pour suivre!!!

Trust et faire confiance couldn’t have been harder these days!

The past month was filled with ups down highs and lows emotionally as I really started to find my footing in France. After a friend’s 30th Bday in the South of France and spending one week with my future belle-mere, I realized truthfully how happy I am to be breathing in this air everyday and able to inspire others on their journey back to fully restored health. But even more grateful that I get to do it in my preferred place of choice, Paris.

In October, I arrived back in Paris from Le Var, and was already feeling fall in the air. l working during Paris Fashion week and was reminded that the person I am becoming post cancer has a harder time with trust. And it starts with trusting myself. Certain personalities in the showroom triggered this idea of trust and second guessing myself and to be frank, it reminded me how toxic, the intriguing world of Fashion can be. I have been lucky throughout my career to work for genuinely good people minus an odd stint in the shoe business but it was only an 8 month hiatus and candidly it doesn’t count! 🙂 donc….

Following Fashion week I took a Fast train to the North of France to en fin meet my nephew. More on that at Christmas because this kid has me hooked! A charmer and easy on the eyes. It really was wonderful to spend time with JM’s family and experience France outside of its epicenter. I love my brother and sister in law to be so much and that feels so good. 🙏🏽

After my escape to the North, and returning to Paris, it has been more challenging than I anticipated emotionally. For the last few weeks I have really had to focus on working through my PTSD as I prepare for my 18 month biopsy, a normal protocol that I have become accustomed to now for 3 years: which involves of course returning to Florida and on a more positive note my jumeau frere’s nuptials as well the following week. 🙂 But, Because I have been balancing a lot this past month of finding my purpose in regard to career and future wife life, I have noticed my anxieties really creeping in and candidly causing more chaos than I ever imagined. Trust is my word I need to turn to and this moment in time or in my French speaking mind “faire Le confiance,” for crying out loud!

You’d think by now I would have this power of the present moment, trust your intuition down to an art. I only had an intense intuitive thought 11 months prior to my transplant that my brother would in fact save my life and this Leukemia monster would be conquered once and for all by my first friend and forever protecter frère. And to follow that I spent 1 year off work working on myself and forming healthy mind body and spirit habitudes, so why the chaos, and commotion running wild in mind? I realize it all comes down to Trust. And maybe because I’m really missing my friend Estrogen. 😉

The Truth is for me, trust is my next thing to conquer and master (in conjunction with Le langue français) And again, it all starts with trusting myself and that where I am right now, the mistakes I am making in French, are by no means a reflection of where I am going but rather a transitional time period to step into my power. La puissance!!!!

Today I am 18 months post transplant, healthy and headed to Charleston to visit one of my besties before she has her baby! I am looking more like my 11 minutes but looks like 11 years younger twin brother everyday! I am really taking my petite pause in the US to work on trusting myself more and faire Le confiance that the universe has my back, I have a purpose here on Earth, I am cured and the best (and my fluency in French) is yet to come.

November I’ll get back to basics. Positive energy. Possibly back on estrogen. And pursuing to be plus Fluent à Français.

This month’s post is dedicated to a friend’s fellow cancer warrior copine who took her last breaths last week. I live for people like her everyday and when someone the same age as me gets lost in the battle, and it was by no means for lack of trying for Lisa, I cannot help but feel like I am living for her. Fighting the emotional demons for her and honoring her fight. I will be swimming a part of a triathlon in June and that will just be one of the ways I give back and honor the fallen Guerrières who’s spirits will carry me through every stroke and every breath for 1.2KM.

Let’s all say a prayer for Lisa and her family and my friend (her best friend)

La vie est belle!

Stay well.

The one and allie

17 mois après greffe!

Salut!

Sitting at my computer dans le Var, putting together the magic recipe for how to NEVER work in Corporate ever again….NOT because it was not fulfilling in my twenties, and not because I am not grateful for the protection it gave me while on leave battling Leukemia, or the 401k, and amazing insurance, incredible friendships as a result but because I associate so much of the Corporate life with my past life which unfortunately also correlates with Leukemia.

Yesterday I had a call about a potential job and when he asked me about my CV (resume) and why it was only Jan 2018-Feb 2018 for my first Merchandising role, I had to hold back tears. The thought of telling a total stranger that I had Leukemia, then a stem-cell transplant, followed by some other hard to imagine hiccups was more difficult than I imagined. However, it was not surprising to me, as I had the same reaction when I had to recount my FULL AML histoire avec medecin Francaise just back in July. AML will always be part of my histoire, but the histoire that shaped the rest of my life as a healthier, happier, holistically human being.  It was the part of my life that led me to fall in love with my future husband, and the part of my life that changed my career path and and go-getter goals for the long-term. 

Alors…..It is hard to believe it is already the end of September and another month, another pris de sang is on the horizon. I know everything is good, I feel great, minus the mundane menopause that is currently wreaking havoc from time to time due to the fertility doctor stripping me of my hormones with the hope in December she will be able to harvest some eggs, to eventually freeze embryos, so I can have a child with both mine and JM’s super special DNA. I really cannot complain because this is selfishly what I want down the road, so the 3 months of hormonal starvation will have to suffice. Even if it means elevated liver functions, sleepless nights and serious mood swings.#thehormonalstruggleisreal

On another note, and what prompted me to put together a blog post is I was supposed to be situated in the South of France the past 3 days to focus on my future as a writer, but of course, other things got in the way. 1. Being even more lucrative than this potential book/blog for this moment in time: My new business platform….the one that is going to keep me from clinging to a Corporate career for the next 30+ years, the one that will free me from having to return to the chaos of a Corporation. (it is not all bad, but I want something better for ME) and let’s be frank working at UA was a dream compared to my past in NYC.

I will not lie the past few days have been difficult as they always are leading up to the blood draw, but I know it is just hormones and FEAR creeping in, because let’s be real that’s what they love to do. Anxiety and illusions of awful things are some of their favorite tricks. To be honest, all I want to do is the write the book about the before, the during and now the after of Cancer, but the hormones and the heaviness sometimes of my emotions keeps getting in the way. Alas, not allowing me to get my thoughts together on my future Non-Fiction Narrative. 

I promise to you my followers, when I do finally sit down, (and soon) to really concentrer on the task at hand it will not only be a BEST SELLER, but it will be the greatest work I have ever done. It will be authentic, at times intense and of course emotional, but it will be the truth. The truth about how even the bon vivants of the world sometimes have to fight cancer, maybe to come to grips with who they are supposed to be, and candidly that maybe not living an authentic life can lead to Leukemia. Root Chakra Chapter en route. I believe with all my bones (and new bone marrow from the best TWIN brother ever) that being diagnosed forever changed my life, even if I had to relapseafter a blissful remission to meet my beau pour la vie before receiving a bone marrow transplant to be FINALLY re-reminded that la vie est belle, vraiment new immune systems are the SHIT and authenticity is the only way to move forward and remain cancer free forever. 

I would be lying if I said that even in the difficult times daily, I do not love my life. I really do, and I love that I am healthy, happy and realizing mes reves…even if it’s not happening immediately.

The best is yet to come and for me that looks like a published version of my most profound personal work, my twin brother’s bone marrow continuing to keep me cancer free, and marrying JeanMi FINALLY a France in 2020.  

As for my book and blog, I can only pray and ask the universe for such success for my words, but really to be able to touch the lives of so many who have lived through cancer personally or with someone close to them is the platform for why I want to write this book. Courage is what got me through Cancer and inspiring others now is what will continue to carry me into the future. 

 

Merci mes amies. 

XOXO

The one and Allie

Survivor chronicles in the name of Kevin Keane. …

It’s September 3, and I absolutely adore the #3. It’s special, it’s spiritual and it’s also my favorite boss’s bday. So many things to celebrate, except a friend in survivorship took his last breaths this past weekend and I am crushed.

I rushed to read the obituary sent via his caring bridge from his family early this morning and afterwards felt depleted. I had hopes that something would be said that would make it all better, but it’s not better it’s worse. It’s heartbreaking and bitter and in the words of my ex-Chinese production person, NOT FAIR. I even considered skipping yoga as I just could not bear to be around anyone, not even my future husband. Who candidly has been suffering from a horrible case of hemmeroids since returning from our Grecian adventure. Le sigh. I wish I had the empathy I have for cancer patients and survivors for him with his hemmoroidal struggle but it’s something I am working on for myself and for my marriage. #makeEmpathyGreatAgain

However, the first step is admitting and I know I save most my empathy for the people who cannot control what ails them versus those things that can be cleared up with time and over the counter meds and a well maintained diet. I am working on it.

As I take the #12 line to le marais for some magical yoga, deep breathing and detox from daily life I cannot help but think why. Why was Kevin, given cancer 3 x and why why why did he suddenly contract a virus that eventually attacked his lungs and led to his slow and extremely sad passing on. For heaven’s sake he slayed cancer 3 times and shouldn’t he be allowed to be with his wife and 3 beautiful children on that alone. This is where I start to question….not God, not the universe but why.

For me it certainly does not make sense, and as I search for meaning in my life over the next 2 months, as well as solidify something work wise, I wonder sometimes why am I still here and others, who have people who need them more than ever, are taken too quickly. Not that the people in my life don’t need me, as I am reminded daily by family and friends that even though I am an Atlantic Ocean away, I am still needed, but when someone has children and they have to suffer it makes me think, WTF is happening and why.

So here’s to this week of wondering and willingly asking the universe to point me in a direction that gives meaning to my life. Meaning outside of just living my best French life….and also, asking the universe, God, the angels to make it consciously clear of what I am supposed to do to help others, inspire others and support others in their journey of life and all the challenges and beauty it brings every single day.

This one is for you Kev and your beautiful wife Kelly and the amazing children you brought into this world. You will forever be remembered for your force and fortitude and FAITH to fight the beast that shall rename nameless because let’s be clear, it had nothing on you! Your spirit lives on forever my friend in survivorship.

So with that my followers, family and friends, when you think you are having a bad day and nothing seems to be going right, remember that life is precious beautiful and priceless. Live in gratitude daily and do not be deterred by the detours and daily dramas that sometimes get the best of us. MYSELF included.

Je vous embrasse fort!

Allie

TRUST TRUST TRUST. Troisième fois.

Hello beautiful friends, family and followers,

I wrote most of this lying on a beach somewhere on the island of Folegandros, #roughlife, where the air is warm, the water is cool and the landscapes are reminding me why I wanted to live and why I put my body through the trauma I did. Little did I know that finally getting to Folegandros, a place my lovely Fiancé frequently spoke about taking me to throughout the unforgettable 2018, all of my past trauma would come to the surface. I think it all comes back to TRUST. Trust that my soap-opera and somewhat stressful chapter with Cancer is complete and I have moved on to a healthier more full life.

I say it often but I really mean it, the cancer free life is simply the best but sometimes moving forward from things that make me feel safe, ie. My cushy and cool job with endless benefits and a certain cache, along with my Floridian family, forever friends a NYC can make me feel like one day the universe is going to continue throwing me curve balls and not allow me to just live courageously and cancer free. This is a block I’m working through and throughout my Grecian adventure had to really force myself to let go of trying to control and really start to live again moins le stress and plus d’amour knowing the universe has mon dos.

From the beaches of Folegandros to some of the best people in Bonita and Baltimore…..thanks for helping me live my dream and taking steps towards an even More beautiful life than I ever expected.

But the real focus on this particular post is about TRUST. It is something I have learned as of late that I REALLY need to work on TRUST as much as I work on my gratitude practice. And more particularly TRUST over the next 4 months as we round out 2019. I really want to LIVE with LOVE over FEAR, and TRUST that I am healing, cured and moving forward towards greatness and my spiritually aligned purpose. Whatever that may come to be.

Today is August 26th, 2019, and I just had labs drawn at the local laboratories and I am waiting for my results, like waiting for Godot. Even though after I treated myself to a Starbucks Matcha Latte (sans about 300 g of the sugary ones they serve in the US), I saw many signs that I am safe, and will continue to be. And sometimes I have to just sit with myself and my barrage of sens in order to just move forward and fulfill my destiny of becoming French bien sur. Donc….The papillions on the windows of the print shop near the parc I placed myself in to sit my latte and just inspirer also brought me another butterfly friend, a white one, signaling, tout va bien. However, the trust and waiting game is painful and liberating all at the same time. It takes me back to August 23, 2016. The day I was transferred to University of Maryland Hospital under the pretenses that i in fact had leukemia. It was a day of firsts, and a day of lasts. It was the last time I would ever be a “non-cancer,” person. It was all still a nightmare, bad dream back then but I remember the fire burning inside me that wanted to live and breathe for many generations to come…and that fire still burns! And on this exact date 3 years later I soaked in a Santorini Sunrise and Sunset that only someone with big dreams, trust in the universe and LOVE could have imagined ever seeing after a devastating diagnosis.

Over the last 3 years, Leukemia has taught me a lot and I can sum it up rather-simply: About Love, and it’s abundance and endless possibilities in Miracles including my stem-cell transplant from my at that time estranged twin brother, a healthy and seamless engraftment within 3 months with limited graft versus host disease just a little VOD and Defetilio change of events to keep things interesting, and unwavering LOVE that grew from an ocean apart with my now Fiance in France. It also has taught me About happiness, and how it’s not a destination, it’s a choice and how happiness and positive vibes foster healing physically, emotionally and mentally and ultimately maintain and support happiness. And finally about fortitude and moving forward, that if you want to and you pray on it, trust it, and are absolutely authentic about your desires and with that inner fire I mentioned prior, partnered with courage and conviction, you will prevail and you will be pushed into the next chapter, where you dreamed you would be. Cancer, Disease, Toxicity free whatever is ailing you at that moment and be saved.

So thankful to tell this story every month with my fearless followers. A la Sainte to the next 3 years of rebuilding after rebirthing! And more gratitude than I care to count, math was never my major but words are my safe place for self expression. Thanks for reading!❤️🦋 la vie est belle.