It has been a week of ups and downs physically, after 6 rounds of chemo total (including the 5 from the first initial battle), my body although strong has taken a few major hits. Little bacterial infection of the mouth (very common as all rapid producing both good and bad are killed with the chemo), and a new friend joined the party a few days ago, the Corona Virus (this is a common cold flu), wish I could say I was drinking Corona’s to numb the mouth pain and this was the source, ha! 😉 Dreaming of Tulum beaches in the Fall instead. I am taking these as they come, still getting exercise everyday to prepare for transplant and keep my lungs and heart healthy, versus staying bed ridden. I want to go in as if I have trained for a Marathon, the Marathon to my new life. What a FINISH LINE! 🙂 (I guarantee there’s Champagne at the end) 😉
On the Match front….I received a call this morning. A call that I knew in my heart I would in fact be receiving, but sometimes when you are constantly being fed the medical jargon and statistical data you start to self doubt, something I do not really allow in my life, but today I got my sign from the Universe and God that my intuition was right.
So hold tight because…..I am going to take you on a little journey, so you can understand a little more about how I got to this place of tapping into my intuition and knowing 100% that my twin brother, my built in bestie by birth would one day be giving me a new life.
About 6 years ago Tony started to become a bit estranged from our family. Living a life on the West Coast, a little less orthodox than my high stress corporate NYC job, but nonetheless he was living what he believed was his “best” life. We would see him once a year at Christmas and we would visit one another once a year, but our relationship really drifted when he started to go down a path of depression partnered with substance abuse. I had vices and demons of my own, as any normal 20 something searching for their own self does, so I really tried to never judge him, but just let him know I loved him and wanted him to be happy. Eventually after about 2 years, there was a painful Christmas together, we more or less had no contact after. My choice really, he was not the brother I remembered. The kind, fun-loving, more open-minded and demure version of myself. He seemed angry. It made me sad, so like the emotionally immature 27 year old I was, I chose to put space between. I went on with my everyday busy NYC life, planned my Parisian adventure and in way felt as if I lost a piece of me: my original bestie, the person whom I shared a womb with for 9 months, a room with for 10 years by choice and a classroom up until HS. We shared secrets, plotted against our parents as teenagers, we were thicker than thieves and I had lost him. When I was diagnosed last year my prognosis was 60/40 cure without transplant, so we did not have to call him in for the HLA typing, but when he heard my news, he entered a detox/holistic rehab facility and finally kicked his substance abuse habit. We stayed in some what touch during my first group of treatments in 2016, but candidly I was focused on getting better, still in a bit of shock and just starting my spiritual journey to healing among other things. I did not have time to counsel him and for some reason I was not ready to let him back in……
In late May one of my closest friends was getting married in Southern California, so I hoped he would want to reconnect with my Mom and I then (I took her with me so she could see him and because I was nervous to fly so far after being so dependent on my parents for 8 months). However, he did not make a huge effort to see me and that’s when I knew in my heart I would be seeing him at another time, when I really needed him, when he was healthy, clean and ready. I had been struggling with my survivorship for 9 months until relapse and the day my Mother called him and said I needed him, he was on a plane.
The phone call today confirmed the facts: he is in fact my Match. He is going to give me my new life without leukemia, without toxicity and we will once again be forever connected and I will be forever grateful for not only that he is my Match but he is here, he is present and he is ready to be in my life as a constant companion while I accept the new cells and after the rebirth.
God is good. Tony is back. And I am at one of the happiest points I have ever been in in my adult life.
More to come next week…hopefully a neutrophil count over 500 and a discharge to go recharge the batteries at my parents Casa as I prepare for my REBIRTH!
Thanks for taking this journey with me.