TGIT. It’s been a busy week in Bonita Springs involving 10+ hours of sleep and a hump day sage fest, when my parents went out to eat. Pretty sure my parents thought I attempted to burn the house down last night, upon returning…ha, nope, just cleansed all the pent-up crazy energy I have been “balancing” ALL week. Good thing Gisele was spilling about her mind-mayhem this week, but I’ll get to that in a second.
I am currently en route with my twin brother to a mini getaway in Miami for the night, as my brother has a friend DJing near Brickell and any excuse I can get for change of scenery, I am taking. I am going to enjoy the cozy hotel room, do my bi-weekly Biologique Reserche mask and go to bed early while he on the other hand is going to get down with the cool kids. This is exactly what I need with the state of my consciousness this week. A change of scenery and reminder I am moving forward. As right now, my mind is at best, maniacle.
Truth is everyday is a battle with my mind. I believe part of it is I was born this way and I believe the other part is as a result of trauma from being a survivor and well, hormones. It is by no means debilitating, as I do not take anti-depressants or mood stabilizers, as some days I sense it more than others and other days it ceases to exist. I notice that exercise, meditation and good sleep have the ability to silence the crazy, yes, voices inside my head. However, this week she (I only assume she’s female, because her crazy thoughts remind me of my 25 year old self-conscious self), has been firing off the anxious thoughts like she is at target practice. Ca suffit (that’s enough), I have found myself saying more often than not this past week. I felt like saying, “Give it a rest sister, serenity is all I am asking for!”
Good news is, in the midst of my tirade of thoughts, an interview aired this week with Gisele Bundchen. She opened about her anxiety, her mind, how she used to live off coffee and cigarettes in her prime, she also touched on her relationship with who, a fair majority of women consider the “sexiest man alive,” and then she talked about the elephant in the room for the past 7 years, his ex-girlfriend. I was so charmed by this babe, and to boot she was rocking Under Armour leggings. 🙂 She showed true bravery, elegance and beauty. Inside and out. She left me thinking, I am not completely crazy, I am just me and my “mind is an instrument, and I need to not let it play me.” Even the most beautiful woman in the world has her struggles. I believe we all do, but it is how we move forward and heal our selves holistically that allows us all to live happy fulfilling lives. The chemo and my brother’s cells cured my cancer, but everyday I am healing from the trauma. The trauma of diagnosis, disease, recovery, relapse, the list goes on. Being able to blog about this is one way I move further towards the future, a future without cancer and future with less crazy conscious thoughts.
I am off to turn off my electronics and tune my instrument.
Here’s to another week in the Florida sun (actually the AC, but the sun sounded so much better)