365 days. 365 days since the relapse diagnosis, a day where I felt dazed confused but also a sense of, relief. I would finally be putting leukemia behind me, it would not be easy but it certainly would be worth it. One year later, I can honestly say, it absolutely was everything I anticipated it would be and more. (And Better) However with the help of my loved ones, family, friends and the angels above as well as the universe and it’s unbelievable uncompromising power of persevering, I am here and I am 9 months post transplant.
Life has been a little different these days, although I am certainly getting a bigger piece of my life back with every milestone, independence is something I have never knew I was longing for throughout this entire process. Everyday I get a little bit of it back and less leukemia is in the rear view and the sight I see looking back is a path I paved personally for growth mind, body and soul.
When you choose to accept a new immune system and say goodbye to your old one it truly is a FULL rebirth, and not only of your physical body but your soul changes as well. I believe it changes because you have no other choice but to think positively, accept the things as they come and trust the universe and the angels to carry you through this darkness of things like chemo and count recovery. You must know there is light at the end of the tunnel and for me that light, was essentially learning to live a fuller, more present life with people who bring goodness and growth to my soul.
I started 2019 by doing just that. I took a 21 day break from Instagram, my preferred social media outlet (because it’s fantastic for so many reasons) and made sure the first moments of the new year were some of the best memories I can carry with me throughout the rest of my life. I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in 9 months and although for some that seems silly to mention, for me, someone who enjoys champagne, wine and a good dance party (accompanied with liquid courage), this has been a way to redefine my relationship with alcohol, be more present as I step further into my new life. I can honestly say I know when I do take my first sip again, it will be out of celebration versus escape and longing for inner peace. I haven’t found full inner peace but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling lighter and more healthy, holistically than I have in a very long time. (Even with all the medications running through my veins to shelter me from illness while my immune suppression tapers)
This was just a little snapshot of what’s been going in the new year, as life as we know it is starting to catch up with me as I anticipate going back to work from home right after I hit the big double 3 next month. I appreciate all the supportive and curious texts I receive daily from those waiting for their ”oneandallie,” update. My word for 2019 is gratitude and I am truly grateful for all of you, who are carrying me in my cancer free forever life!
There’s many more exciting things to come in 2019! I can feel it and I know at times all the love around me scares me, because it’s so fresh and so pure. And lets be real, after a crazy cancer diagnosis like I had 2016, followed by a relapse in 2018, sometimes you think the world is some how going to punish you and take all the good in your life away again, as many others throughout the world are suffering from even more serious situations. (This is that mean voice inside my head again, ha) However, as I step into gratitude, I realize that “maybe I am done,” just like in one of my favorite movies of all time, “Sex and the City,” Carrie Bradshaw says something similar to her best friend after she “shit her pants that year.” 🤣 Lord knows I have more than done that throughout the past 3 years, and cancer along with chemo, does not kill vanity. So I look forward to sharing a little bit more about the wonderful things that will come about in 2019, all while being grateful for every minute I get to write about it and inspire other warriors to know that cancer is a catalyst for change and the best is yet to come! ❤️
This month’s post is dedicated to two fellow warriors, one I knew well and another I only knew through a mutual friend. Both fallen soldiers, fathers and taken way too soon.