Today is a Tuesday, I almost always have labs on Wednesday at Moffit at the end of each month. I know tout va bien but let’s be real, for my frequent followers, ptsd likes to remind me about 24-48 hours before the lab draw of the following:
1. that life is a blessing
2. DO NOT be bogged down by the dangerous inner dialogue that sometimes seeps into my brain
3. I am cured and the CBC and chemistry is to keep me safe after all I had chemo running through my veins for a very long time
Little did I know that the PTSD cue and all the BIG change in my life would come at once. Alors the inner anxiety is at work, so I constantly remind myself: I am here. For a reason. I am grateful. Another day. Wow. Incroyable. I am cured. And candidly, cancer was my catalyst for change. I became a better and more positive person. So….How can I make the most of it? Another butterfly sign across from me at the airport. I am safe. Le sigh
The good news is the closer I work towards curing myself of codependencies, the better I am at managing the mania that sometimes takes over my mind. So…..here’s a big one.
Alors after a long time and thoughtful consideration, I am on the verge of quitting my cushy and candidly “cool” job. On top of moving to another country to reunite with my forever fiancé (ie. Soon to be Husband) as well as figure out how to speak french like a professional. But le plus importante choisie, to find my purpose that is aligned with the authentic allie i am becoming in the place that makes me feel the most centered and that I can truly reinvent myself in. Le sigh.
Truth is being codependent is in my nature. I was born a twin for crying-out loud. However, as I cruise toward a more fulfilling and “french,” life I am better at cutting the codependencies off at the chord (yes they’re like umbilical chords). Sometimes via meditation but most of the time it just happens as I shift my perspective and work towards healthier holistic life. Mind. Body. Spirit…..With one caveat, the codependency that saved my life, HELLO my twin brother’s seriously amazing stem cells. They are for keeps and I think all my spirit advisors would concur, this codependency is candidly quintessential to my cancer free life. Can I get an amen?
So here’s to my new beginning and maybe coaching others out of their co-dependencies as a career long term?
The good news is, I am grateful for everyday I get a chance to reinvent myself and also the freedom to be able to do that because of the company I am currently leaving. I could NOT have come to this conclusion so calmly without their full support and understanding. To be candid I am going to miss the chaos as much as the Camaraderie and my most trusted confidants and colleagues. But….my choice now is to live authentically and most importantly suivant mon cœur et être avec mon amour. But I’m on the hook until mid August with UA and I am eternally grateful to finish up some of the best work I’ve ever done that I know I can apply to whatever I will be doing long term in the city of Love and Light.
Cheers to this eclipse saison that has just begun and I can guarantee you that my next chapter will involve a conversation about root chakras, more survivorship soliloquies and my new French doctor, who will follow me when I am away from my beloved angel sent from above Dr. Michael at Moffitt.
But for now….Bisous bisous et Bye Bye Baltimore!
La vie est belle.
Grateful for every single day I get to be….
The one and Allie