Hello beautiful friends, family and followers,
I wrote most of this lying on a beach somewhere on the island of Folegandros, #roughlife, where the air is warm, the water is cool and the landscapes are reminding me why I wanted to live and why I put my body through the trauma I did. Little did I know that finally getting to Folegandros, a place my lovely Fiancé frequently spoke about taking me to throughout the unforgettable 2018, all of my past trauma would come to the surface. I think it all comes back to TRUST. Trust that my soap-opera and somewhat stressful chapter with Cancer is complete and I have moved on to a healthier more full life.
I say it often but I really mean it, the cancer free life is simply the best but sometimes moving forward from things that make me feel safe, ie. My cushy and cool job with endless benefits and a certain cache, along with my Floridian family, forever friends a NYC can make me feel like one day the universe is going to continue throwing me curve balls and not allow me to just live courageously and cancer free. This is a block I’m working through and throughout my Grecian adventure had to really force myself to let go of trying to control and really start to live again moins le stress and plus d’amour knowing the universe has mon dos.
From the beaches of Folegandros to some of the best people in Bonita and Baltimore…..thanks for helping me live my dream and taking steps towards an even More beautiful life than I ever expected.
But the real focus on this particular post is about TRUST. It is something I have learned as of late that I REALLY need to work on TRUST as much as I work on my gratitude practice. And more particularly TRUST over the next 4 months as we round out 2019. I really want to LIVE with LOVE over FEAR, and TRUST that I am healing, cured and moving forward towards greatness and my spiritually aligned purpose. Whatever that may come to be.
Today is August 26th, 2019, and I just had labs drawn at the local laboratories and I am waiting for my results, like waiting for Godot. Even though after I treated myself to a Starbucks Matcha Latte (sans about 300 g of the sugary ones they serve in the US), I saw many signs that I am safe, and will continue to be. And sometimes I have to just sit with myself and my barrage of sens in order to just move forward and fulfill my destiny of becoming French bien sur. Donc….The papillions on the windows of the print shop near the parc I placed myself in to sit my latte and just inspirer also brought me another butterfly friend, a white one, signaling, tout va bien. However, the trust and waiting game is painful and liberating all at the same time. It takes me back to August 23, 2016. The day I was transferred to University of Maryland Hospital under the pretenses that i in fact had leukemia. It was a day of firsts, and a day of lasts. It was the last time I would ever be a “non-cancer,” person. It was all still a nightmare, bad dream back then but I remember the fire burning inside me that wanted to live and breathe for many generations to come…and that fire still burns! And on this exact date 3 years later I soaked in a Santorini Sunrise and Sunset that only someone with big dreams, trust in the universe and LOVE could have imagined ever seeing after a devastating diagnosis.
Over the last 3 years, Leukemia has taught me a lot and I can sum it up rather-simply: About Love, and it’s abundance and endless possibilities in Miracles including my stem-cell transplant from my at that time estranged twin brother, a healthy and seamless engraftment within 3 months with limited graft versus host disease just a little VOD and Defetilio change of events to keep things interesting, and unwavering LOVE that grew from an ocean apart with my now Fiance in France. It also has taught me About happiness, and how it’s not a destination, it’s a choice and how happiness and positive vibes foster healing physically, emotionally and mentally and ultimately maintain and support happiness. And finally about fortitude and moving forward, that if you want to and you pray on it, trust it, and are absolutely authentic about your desires and with that inner fire I mentioned prior, partnered with courage and conviction, you will prevail and you will be pushed into the next chapter, where you dreamed you would be. Cancer, Disease, Toxicity free whatever is ailing you at that moment and be saved.
So thankful to tell this story every month with my fearless followers. A la Sainte to the next 3 years of rebuilding after rebirthing! And more gratitude than I care to count, math was never my major but words are my safe place for self expression. Thanks for reading!❤️🦋 la vie est belle.