Trust et faire confiance couldn’t have been harder these days!

The past month was filled with ups down highs and lows emotionally as I really started to find my footing in France. After a friend’s 30th Bday in the South of France and spending one week with my future belle-mere, I realized truthfully how happy I am to be breathing in this air everyday and able to inspire others on their journey back to fully restored health. But even more grateful that I get to do it in my preferred place of choice, Paris.

In October, I arrived back in Paris from Le Var, and was already feeling fall in the air. l working during Paris Fashion week and was reminded that the person I am becoming post cancer has a harder time with trust. And it starts with trusting myself. Certain personalities in the showroom triggered this idea of trust and second guessing myself and to be frank, it reminded me how toxic, the intriguing world of Fashion can be. I have been lucky throughout my career to work for genuinely good people minus an odd stint in the shoe business but it was only an 8 month hiatus and candidly it doesn’t count! 🙂 donc….

Following Fashion week I took a Fast train to the North of France to en fin meet my nephew. More on that at Christmas because this kid has me hooked! A charmer and easy on the eyes. It really was wonderful to spend time with JM’s family and experience France outside of its epicenter. I love my brother and sister in law to be so much and that feels so good. 🙏🏽

After my escape to the North, and returning to Paris, it has been more challenging than I anticipated emotionally. For the last few weeks I have really had to focus on working through my PTSD as I prepare for my 18 month biopsy, a normal protocol that I have become accustomed to now for 3 years: which involves of course returning to Florida and on a more positive note my jumeau frere’s nuptials as well the following week. 🙂 But, Because I have been balancing a lot this past month of finding my purpose in regard to career and future wife life, I have noticed my anxieties really creeping in and candidly causing more chaos than I ever imagined. Trust is my word I need to turn to and this moment in time or in my French speaking mind “faire Le confiance,” for crying out loud!

You’d think by now I would have this power of the present moment, trust your intuition down to an art. I only had an intense intuitive thought 11 months prior to my transplant that my brother would in fact save my life and this Leukemia monster would be conquered once and for all by my first friend and forever protecter frère. And to follow that I spent 1 year off work working on myself and forming healthy mind body and spirit habitudes, so why the chaos, and commotion running wild in mind? I realize it all comes down to Trust. And maybe because I’m really missing my friend Estrogen. 😉

The Truth is for me, trust is my next thing to conquer and master (in conjunction with Le langue français) And again, it all starts with trusting myself and that where I am right now, the mistakes I am making in French, are by no means a reflection of where I am going but rather a transitional time period to step into my power. La puissance!!!!

Today I am 18 months post transplant, healthy and headed to Charleston to visit one of my besties before she has her baby! I am looking more like my 11 minutes but looks like 11 years younger twin brother everyday! I am really taking my petite pause in the US to work on trusting myself more and faire Le confiance that the universe has my back, I have a purpose here on Earth, I am cured and the best (and my fluency in French) is yet to come.

November I’ll get back to basics. Positive energy. Possibly back on estrogen. And pursuing to be plus Fluent à Français.

This month’s post is dedicated to a friend’s fellow cancer warrior copine who took her last breaths last week. I live for people like her everyday and when someone the same age as me gets lost in the battle, and it was by no means for lack of trying for Lisa, I cannot help but feel like I am living for her. Fighting the emotional demons for her and honoring her fight. I will be swimming a part of a triathlon in June and that will just be one of the ways I give back and honor the fallen Guerrières who’s spirits will carry me through every stroke and every breath for 1.2KM.

Let’s all say a prayer for Lisa and her family and my friend (her best friend)

La vie est belle!

Stay well.

The one and allie

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