TRUST TRUST TRUST. Troisième fois.

Hello beautiful friends, family and followers,

I wrote most of this lying on a beach somewhere on the island of Folegandros, #roughlife, where the air is warm, the water is cool and the landscapes are reminding me why I wanted to live and why I put my body through the trauma I did. Little did I know that finally getting to Folegandros, a place my lovely Fiancé frequently spoke about taking me to throughout the unforgettable 2018, all of my past trauma would come to the surface. I think it all comes back to TRUST. Trust that my soap-opera and somewhat stressful chapter with Cancer is complete and I have moved on to a healthier more full life.

I say it often but I really mean it, the cancer free life is simply the best but sometimes moving forward from things that make me feel safe, ie. My cushy and cool job with endless benefits and a certain cache, along with my Floridian family, forever friends a NYC can make me feel like one day the universe is going to continue throwing me curve balls and not allow me to just live courageously and cancer free. This is a block I’m working through and throughout my Grecian adventure had to really force myself to let go of trying to control and really start to live again moins le stress and plus d’amour knowing the universe has mon dos.

From the beaches of Folegandros to some of the best people in Bonita and Baltimore…..thanks for helping me live my dream and taking steps towards an even More beautiful life than I ever expected.

But the real focus on this particular post is about TRUST. It is something I have learned as of late that I REALLY need to work on TRUST as much as I work on my gratitude practice. And more particularly TRUST over the next 4 months as we round out 2019. I really want to LIVE with LOVE over FEAR, and TRUST that I am healing, cured and moving forward towards greatness and my spiritually aligned purpose. Whatever that may come to be.

Today is August 26th, 2019, and I just had labs drawn at the local laboratories and I am waiting for my results, like waiting for Godot. Even though after I treated myself to a Starbucks Matcha Latte (sans about 300 g of the sugary ones they serve in the US), I saw many signs that I am safe, and will continue to be. And sometimes I have to just sit with myself and my barrage of sens in order to just move forward and fulfill my destiny of becoming French bien sur. Donc….The papillions on the windows of the print shop near the parc I placed myself in to sit my latte and just inspirer also brought me another butterfly friend, a white one, signaling, tout va bien. However, the trust and waiting game is painful and liberating all at the same time. It takes me back to August 23, 2016. The day I was transferred to University of Maryland Hospital under the pretenses that i in fact had leukemia. It was a day of firsts, and a day of lasts. It was the last time I would ever be a “non-cancer,” person. It was all still a nightmare, bad dream back then but I remember the fire burning inside me that wanted to live and breathe for many generations to come…and that fire still burns! And on this exact date 3 years later I soaked in a Santorini Sunrise and Sunset that only someone with big dreams, trust in the universe and LOVE could have imagined ever seeing after a devastating diagnosis.

Over the last 3 years, Leukemia has taught me a lot and I can sum it up rather-simply: About Love, and it’s abundance and endless possibilities in Miracles including my stem-cell transplant from my at that time estranged twin brother, a healthy and seamless engraftment within 3 months with limited graft versus host disease just a little VOD and Defetilio change of events to keep things interesting, and unwavering LOVE that grew from an ocean apart with my now Fiance in France. It also has taught me About happiness, and how it’s not a destination, it’s a choice and how happiness and positive vibes foster healing physically, emotionally and mentally and ultimately maintain and support happiness. And finally about fortitude and moving forward, that if you want to and you pray on it, trust it, and are absolutely authentic about your desires and with that inner fire I mentioned prior, partnered with courage and conviction, you will prevail and you will be pushed into the next chapter, where you dreamed you would be. Cancer, Disease, Toxicity free whatever is ailing you at that moment and be saved.

So thankful to tell this story every month with my fearless followers. A la Sainte to the next 3 years of rebuilding after rebirthing! And more gratitude than I care to count, math was never my major but words are my safe place for self expression. Thanks for reading!❤️🦋 la vie est belle.

Le médecin Français et beginning to Vive La France….

Oohlala. What a wild but also wonderful two weeks it has been since I last posted. For one, i finally moved back to France with my Fiancé and I am so happy to be spending forever with this incredible human.

En faite, he provided me with a beautiful and clean apartment, he even gave me 3 étagères in the placard for my clothes, and an entire space for my dresses and other “hanging” items (closet) and two tiroirs (drawers) 😉 je suis très contente! Even though he does not know I am going to give him a whole Marie Kondo class upon returning from his apartment in the South France. Do more with less! Mais vraiment il est the reason why I was able to focus on the future while I went through my rebirth and cancer free life. JM totally trusted in the universe and the process that I would in fact be saved, spared and sans cancer once and for all. Merci mon amour pour tout! Je suis de la chance!

On another note, upon adjusting to life avec mon amour à Paris, I am also discovering a new part of Paris. With less bread, wine et fromage (but there’s some of that too) and focusing on my health and wellness. This included: Sourcing new Yoga studios and taking full advantage of their unlimited first week specials <3. Finding a Qi gong practitioners pour la femme and a five element acupuncturists for my French life. I had so many special Chinese medicine healers aux les Etas-Unis and I am hopeful to find French practitioners with the same sort of spirit.

And most importantly I am finally meeting mon médecine Français. I was recommended by a friend from Felix (yes, it’s really the best place for me to find friends) who is BMT Doctor at NYU but also European. He was able to help me with a network of names at the best hospitals so I can be followed until the 2 year mark when they finally release me and the sword of Démascles can get kicked to the curb. (The feeling I get before every rendez-vous) Marie est la médecine this week while the head Doctor Regis est a vacances .

Being able to celebrate avec le

Coupe de champagne à Paris après mon rendez-vous is the perfect way to continue pushing forward and remember that 15 months post transplant and 17 months cancer free is only the beginning of the best part of my life. Being 100% my brother is the most beautiful choise (thing) and it has changed my life forever, in both my stem cells and in my spirit. Vraiment, I would not change one bit of this bumpy ride with the caveat of possibly reducing the pain and suffering my body and my family had to endure in order to step into this new much sunnier and sweet life.

I am continuing to LIVE in a way I never thought possible with life being lighter, lovelier depuis que je laisse le passé dans le passé!

La vie est Belle.

Bisous a tout le monde!

Merci for continuing to read and root for theoneandallie.


A day in the life of a cancer survivor…..survivor soliloquies continue a June 25th, 2019….and beyond!

Today is a Tuesday, I almost always have labs on Wednesday at Moffit at the end of each month. I know tout va bien but let’s be real, for my frequent followers, ptsd likes to remind me about 24-48 hours before the lab draw of the following:

1. that life is a blessing

2. DO NOT be bogged down by the dangerous inner dialogue that sometimes seeps into my brain

3. I am cured and the CBC and chemistry is to keep me safe after all I had chemo running through my veins for a very long time

Little did I know that the PTSD cue and all the BIG change in my life would come at once. Alors the inner anxiety is at work, so I constantly remind myself: I am here. For a reason. I am grateful. Another day. Wow. Incroyable. I am cured. And candidly, cancer was my catalyst for change. I became a better and more positive person. So….How can I make the most of it? Another butterfly sign across from me at the airport. I am safe. Le sigh

The good news is the closer I work towards curing myself of codependencies, the better I am at managing the mania that sometimes takes over my mind. So…’s a big one.

Alors after a long time and thoughtful consideration, I am on the verge of quitting my cushy and candidly “cool” job. On top of moving to another country to reunite with my forever fiancé (ie. Soon to be Husband) as well as figure out how to speak french like a professional. But le plus importante choisie, to find my purpose that is aligned with the authentic allie i am becoming in the place that makes me feel the most centered and that I can truly reinvent myself in. Le sigh.

Truth is being codependent is in my nature. I was born a twin for crying-out loud. However, as I cruise toward a more fulfilling and “french,” life I am better at cutting the codependencies off at the chord (yes they’re like umbilical chords). Sometimes via meditation but most of the time it just happens as I shift my perspective and work towards healthier holistic life. Mind. Body. Spirit…..With one caveat, the codependency that saved my life, HELLO my twin brother’s seriously amazing stem cells. They are for keeps and I think all my spirit advisors would concur, this codependency is candidly quintessential to my cancer free life. Can I get an amen?

So here’s to my new beginning and maybe coaching others out of their co-dependencies as a career long term?

The good news is, I am grateful for everyday I get a chance to reinvent myself and also the freedom to be able to do that because of the company I am currently leaving. I could NOT have come to this conclusion so calmly without their full support and understanding. To be candid I am going to miss the chaos as much as the Camaraderie and my most trusted confidants and colleagues. But….my choice now is to live authentically and most importantly suivant mon cœur et être avec mon amour. But I’m on the hook until mid August with UA and I am eternally grateful to finish up some of the best work I’ve ever done that I know I can apply to whatever I will be doing long term in the city of Love and Light.

Cheers to this eclipse saison that has just begun and I can guarantee you that my next chapter will involve a conversation about root chakras, more survivorship soliloquies and my new French doctor, who will follow me when I am away from my beloved angel sent from above Dr. Michael at Moffitt.

But for now….Bisous bisous et Bye Bye Baltimore!

La vie est belle.

Grateful for every single day I get to be….

The one and Allie

Learning to Live in Abundance All Day Er Day!

Hello friends and fearless followers,

It’s been a busy few weeks back in Baltimore and I can honestly say I am so grateful and happy to be able to come full circle. Reintegrating into the office life has been less hectic than I anticipated and I have a lot of WOMEN within UA to thank for that. #letsBFrank

With that, I have been learning to lean into abundance and be grateful for all that is before me. Accessory Advocate (my new job), awesome apartment with my closest Baltimore copine, my cube mates who make everyday I walk in the door a little brighter (Katie G, Paul & AP) are just a few notable mentions.As sometimes, being back in the real world, it is easy for me to get sucked into my personal melodrama, and unfortunately some of my old bad habits of negative self talk and less gratitude, more sulk-i-tude ie. My skin is not the same and never ceases to disappoint me on the daily, or I have 5 lbs of water weight around my belly as a result of hormones and refusing to have hot flashes on the regular, and I want to be fit like I was before I had cancer and finish another marathon or half at least to feel a sense of accomplishment……and then I listened to a podcast. (My new workout music) It was about abundance, and how to conjure up more but also how getting up everyday and showing up to life is a hard enough job in and of itself so maybe go a little bit easier on myself and be a little less critical. NOTED.

With that, I am “loving” leaning into abundance. For me it started by #1: no longer comparing myself to others. I have been on a much different journey than just about anyone my age and I have to remember that at the end of the day that makes me unique and according to my fiancé, extra special. I cannot compare and instead be grateful for my own journey and where it has taken me and where I am going as a result. The possibilities are abundant. Don’t I know it. Like now it’s #official, I conquered cancer, next please.

Another part of living and breathing in abundance is being thankful for what I have and that does not necessarily have to be material. For example, one thing at the top of my list of daily gratitude is my Health. Leaning into this word specifically helps me manifest more health holistically into my life. Social health, career health, relationship health and even financial health can all be something I manifest as a result of leaning into the idea of abundance of health. Call me crazy, but guess what girls (and guys), it works. I have seen so much abundance appear in my life from being thankful for my health, and as a result I feel like I am able continue to maintain a positive attitude, access my intuition that tells me I am cured and continue to heal from the trauma of the past two and half years between diagnosis, relapse and the best part of it all, surviving.

How about this week, everyone reading along, think about how you can lean in a little more to what you are grateful for? I bet you will feel better by the week-end if anything is causing you angst or irritation, and good things will absolutely appear. They might even be super small but if you awaken your senses through this gratitude practice, I can promise you there will be little signs of hope or as Honey calls them, “God winks,” to let you know the universe, when you spread love and gratitude, is always on your side.

Here’s to leaning in, living abundantly as you open yourself up to infinite possibilities for perpetual happiness and positive vibrations through gratitude.

Go manifest some Good.

This week I am celebrating 13 months post transplant, 12 months post VOD disaster turned gift from God with all the amazing people I have met on that journey and 1 month of being engaged to the best man I ever met at a bar😉! Anniversaries are everywhere and so is abundance and goodness I could not be more grateful for both. 💯

La vie est belle.

Bisous tout le monde!


Totally Tony & Too Much to Talk About After Twenty One Days of Silence…….#thankful

Sorry for my silence these last 3 weeks. I have to admit the emotional roller coaster I was on leading up to my 1 year biopsy had me in heavy state of mind. Although my intuition never steers me wrong, I was without a doubt making myself crazy with fear and unfortunately wasting a great deal of energy on unnecessary emotions. This my fellow warriors and followers is life after transplant. More simply stated: Survivorship. One of the most beautiful things life has to offer after being dealt a diagnosis as detrimental as leukemia, is this gift of life once again. I am so blessed and grateful for that, as it is more beautiful than I ever anticipated……but I would be lying if I said it was not challenging at times to keep my emotions in check and quiet the noise inside my head, especially at pinnacle milestones.

The bonne nouvelles is that I am 100% donor cells in marrow and in peripheral blood. Seems those healthy stem cells from my handsome twin brother were just what the Doctor ordered. Can I get a witness? So happy. So blessed. So in awe of every step of this journey. The truth is, this journey is about the destination. And this destination of 1 year was the 1/2 way mark to officially being called “cured.” So much to be thankful for and so much to celebrate…..seriously.

And with that, we did. A few days before I was blessed with the official good news as it came from my one and only Dr Nieder. Candidly I was not quite keen on the idea of a full on celebration but I am so happy my parents pushed me to to party with some really special people who have walked this path with us this last year.

I have to admit I have been on cloud nine ever since May 1, not to mention, my boyfriend upgraded his status to official Fiancé a few days before, so it’s really been all about the “feels” as of late. My fiancé is so “Effing” amazing it is hard for me to not be too forthcoming about our future together but I know for sure the best is yet to come!

On another note, my old friend early, “menopause,” has also been playing tricks on me, making sure I remember to be grateful for everyday and remember this is a journey…..just one emotional breakdown at a time ;). Truth it’s not always about the destination but the stops along the way on the journey, partnered with the lessons we learn. And every milestone a new lesson in menopause has been the motto. 😉 It’s something I must manage as it not only affects my mood but sometimes my overall mental state. (Its best friends with ptsd, they feed off one another) it’s better than cancer and as I age it will continue to become less challenging. I am 33 and the reality is, transplant had its downsides but ridding myself of disease was top of mind so I chose to do whatever it took to rid myself of disease, even though it was a 60/40 chance it would be detrimental to my reproductive health. Unfortunately, I am now learning that early “menopause,” is one of the most painful side effects in young adults after transplant, especially with the mood swings due to managing the hormonal mayhem without putting me at risk for secondary cancers. #estrogenups&downs

En fait, as I write this post I am On my way back to Baltimore to step back into my role with UA and I am overwhelmed with emotions. I know a lot of it is hormonal anxiety but I have to remember I have had so much support surrounding me over the past 15 months that it’s hard to believe that I’ll be by myself, more or less, without my “blood,” by my side (but always in marrow) so a major thanks to Lee, Bob & Barbie who are holding it down in the B, helping me to wake up in Charm City surrounded by some of the best. #blessed

Not much else to mention other than how grateful I am for every single day I get to share my story and help other survivors stay strong and steadfast on their journey back to health! Menopause is just part of the beautiful mess of bone marrow transplant, but truth is I wouldn’t have it any other way as the gift of bone marrow from my twin brother was exactly what I needed to propel me into the best part of my life with my family, fiancé and friends à côté du moi. 🙂

Thanks for following, for praying and for walking along this path to pinnacle health with your hearts.

Bisous bisous


Meditation Flashbacks… thankful for my amazing friendships! #foreverfriends

Sometimes flashbacks of heavy times past hit me during my meditations. This past Sunday was one of those days. As my weekly dose of estrogen started to kick back in and gave me a nice boost of sera-t-on in as well as emotional overload, I started to cry during my meditation thinking of how lucky I am that I am alive and always surrounded by people who love me.

The emotional fire-starter that struck me during Sunday soul meditation, I know I will never forget. It was the flashback of January 2018, when my doctor told me I was relapsing. Real talk: trauma is trauma and sometimes thinking about it involves tears, to remind you how far you’ve come but that it takes time to truly move forward. I also remember the details of this day so definitively, from my Dad disappearing on a plane to share the disappointment with the rest of my family, dial-ing up my Austrian Doctor friend in NYC hoping he’d give me a less dreadful reaction to the diagnosis, loving Lee, picking-me-up from the Doctor’s office, determined to make the best of the worst situation: which included wine, restaurant week at my favorite Argentinian spot and allowing the tears to just flow, For a few hours. Freaking out over a phone call I needed to make, and finally

phoning the man I had recently started seeing more seriously and explaining the situation. Scared of what the voice on the other end of the phone would say. We were already an ocean apart and I could not expect him to want to continue on while I finally fought cancer and could not carry-on a normal relationship for quite some time. It was heartbreaking in ways I never imagined. But if you read my blog religiously, you know that new man in my life at the time, has become not only a boyfriend, but one of the best things that ever came out of cancer. Without it, I know I never would have met him. Because the person I was before cancer could not possibly have manifested this man into my life. He is so special, safe and stable, strong and seriously sweet. #allthefeels

Ahhh, enough about mon amour, I enjoy that our relationship is private but he’s so genial not to gush about…..but back to the memory of bone marrow’s past, the universe works in mysterious ways….I had asked my girlfriends to come in town for an early bday celebration before the bone marrow biopsy bump in the road. These angels allowed me to forget or at least try to, about the impending protocol that lie ahead of me and instead of pouting we decided to party-on and pretend like everything was right in the world. Like it would be a little over 6 months later. Two of my closest copines carried me through the incredibly difficult days leading up to the remission chemo and have been by my side spiritually, and sometimes physically, ever since.

I suddenly started to cry during my meditation on Sunday soir when I remembered the last hug the three of us shared, outside my Baltimore abode. With their arms around me I knew I would one day be alright but I still did not want to let go. That hug saved me from myself and reminded me that angels are not only in heaven, as they were right there with me.

Last weekend I had dinner and a day of dancing around Miami’s design district with Amazing Amy, so maybe that conjured up some of my crying as it reminded me how lucky I am, and how grateful I am for the people outside my bloodline, who also love me and carry me every single day. (That’s you KLL, C&A as well as my JMJ. And let’s be honest so many more, but let’s focus on these 4 today)

Today is 11.5 months post transplant and I am grateful to say that Love is so strong and sometimes it shows up so unexpectedly, you just have to surrender. I can honestly say I have more of it in my life than I ever imagined and it makes me happier and happier each passing day.

So the story goes, souvenirs from sad situations will some how show themselves sporadically, but the silver linings and love that I have found within this specific souvenir, signifies exactly why I am here, sharing the story and still on the journey to the “oneandallie.” L’amour je t’adore

Spiritual Partnerships , Spring Solstice and Celery Juice…..

11 months post transplant this week! So in awe everyday of getting a little bit of my life back as immune suppression lowers and I continue heading towards the one year milestone marker! The first 1/2 of this marathon is almost complete. (It’s really a two year timeline from transplant to be” considered officially”cured, good thing my angels above have me covered)

I am especially thankful these days for my “spirit junkie” side, as I was listening to an Oprah Super Soul podcast the other day entitled “spiritual partnerships,” I realized I have so many. With JM, my twin brother, my survivor soul sister Jess, Rockstar Roseanne, always present AP and Amanda, Suzanne, C Lo, SD and loving Lee….the list goes on… is clear these people have become more present and permanent staples in my life over the past 3 years for a purpose. And I believe it is because I finally started moving towards my most authentic self. These relationships are so powerful because they are sans the superficial. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many spiritual beings helping me strive to be the best version of myself. The truth is these soul partnerships really did not start to manifest spiritually until sadly I was diagnosed with cancer. And they are not necessarily the easiest amies to make. So right now I am, once again, thankful for the chaotic cancer chapter of my life, as it changed the spiritual side of me so much as well as brought some of the most beautiful spiritual, soul-growing, gifts into my life. Many of these partnerships have taught me how to live more from my spirit than from my ego-self. Letting go of that side of me and being able to have authentic conversations, has allowed me to persevere through some of the most difficult of moments this past year. I live everyday in gratitude for the authentic awesomeness and awareness that continues to fill my soul. And my spiritual partnerships are part of the journey and continue to help me ground myself in making the most out of my life while being authentically allie! ❤️ #newlife=bestlife

Spiritual partnerships, sigh, give me all the feels. So….Spring solstice started bringing me new survivors to inspire me to keep pushing forth my passion projects. Today I was Sitting in the Moffitt waiting room on a Monday morning, trying to manage my PTSD, usually starts about 30 minutes prior to my appointment, which candidly was much less than in appointments past. (can I get an amen?), I struck up a conversation with a 3 time cancer survivor, she had Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and now she has a mix of Hodgkins/Non Hodgkins. She is going for her second auto-transplant and all I want to do it tell her she’s going to be okay. It’s going to be a totally wild ride, but after, she’ll never look back. Meanwhile, as I was out in the waiting room flapping my gums with my new friend/fellow survivor and warrior, I missed my lab draw! Little did I know they had been calling my name, good news is, Dr Nieder did not mind, he had other more pressing patients to see and he saved one of the “best,” for last. By one of the Best I am meaning, best in health. I am thankful for that. Having a little mentor moment with my fellow warrior made me feel so full afterwards and realize once again, I am here for a reason and I am ready to continue to counsel others on this journey back to health and to finding their best self. Stay tuned for more on this mantra!

Champagne or Celery juice? That’s been my drinking dilemma as of late. Craving a cocktail I think is normal, especially now that I am back to work and who does not want a good glass of wine to come off the week? But, for ma foie, my new cocktail of choice, is the mean green, liver cleansing machine, with a squeeze of lime! C’est parfait! It is cleansing my liver, but also helping heal my gut. Since transplant I have become a serious sufferer of seasonal allergies, which FYI, all starts in the gut. With immune suppression slowly tapering, they have absolutely improved but there’s still work to be done. The celery juice challenge I am on has been interesting for a few reasons, 1. At first I had a little skin reaction, of dry, chapped spots on my skin, I phoned a friend who has been a celery juicing pro for quite some time now, her boyfriend experienced the same side effects! I continued my celery juice journey and today I am at day 20, and feeling better than I have, holistically, in a long time. So 2. My skin is brighter and most importantly 3. my liver levels keep lowering at a more rapid rate. Especially my Alk Phos, if only my ALT would get it check. Other benefits include cutting my cravings for caffeine as well as kept my sweet tooth tied over. I am happy to say, that I am officially a celery juice believer. Better late than never on this plant based, holistic healing trend. Unlike Cancer…..Champagne can wait…..celebratory champs are seriously in order come April 25th so for now I’ll keep to the celery and look forward to future soirées!

Thanks again for all who wait and wonder what theoneandallie is up to! Continuing to lean into love and gratitude daily and candidly I know it’s a big part of what keeps me healthy as a whole.

Lots of love.